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[personal profile] sweetmeri
I was at a friend's house today, and I saw a picture of me that she took today that I didn't know was taken. It was horrific. I am so disgusting, fat, just gross. Like when I dressed this morning, I picked my outfit carefully because I picked what I thought would make me look good. It was so depressing to see the picture later and see all of my fat rolls and my fat arms and my double chin. I just feel so gross. I am so tired of being gross. I wish I could just cut the fat out of my body. I would still probably be gross but maybe I wouldn't be quite so gross. UGH anyway it just really hurts tonight. She doesn't even have a scale and so I don't even know how much I weigh right now which sucks. I just feel out of control, I don't know why but I always end up eating WAY too much at her house. I mean not bingeing really, just overeating. Anyway it just sucks and i am kind of an emotional wreck about it tonight. Also, I can't really not eat at her house because she would notice, and because I always am eating around her kids (She has 4 kids) and they would notice if I didn't eat either. UGH I just want to go home

I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself but everytime I think about eating I can't deal with it. It makes me so anxious and after seeing that picture, I have no desire to eat because its GROSS!! I AM GROSS!!!!!! If I get a chance, I will post the pic so y'all can see but I don't know if it will work.
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sweetmeri: (Default)

May 2013

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