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[personal profile] sweetmeri
I am so beyond rageful right now. I just want to take a bat or something and do some serious damage to stuff. Its not even like that big of a thing that set me off but I just am like so rageful I feel out of control. I am supposed to go to my friend's house tomorrow for a week to help her with her kids for a week. But I can't take the car, I have to take the Metro, SO I have to figure out how and what to pack light for a week since I have to carry it! The car thing pisses me off because we moved a FAR way away from where hubby works. HE KNEW HE WAS STILL GOING TO BE WORKING AT THE SAME PLACE. Our other car is a Jeep. It is NOT economical for him to drive it back and forth because its like $50 in gas per day. So he drives my car. WHICH MEANS I CAN"T DRIVE IT!!!! SO NOW I AM GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR A FREAKING WEEK AND I HAVE TO CAREFULLY PLAN STUFF OUT SO THAT I CAN PACK ACCORDINGLY BECAUSE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CARRY IT ON MY FUCKING BACK.

Also, I am trying to make sure my husband has everything he needs for the week, and make sure the house is clean in case anyone comes over while I am gone......since it IS messy and really its not our house. We are renting from his PARENTS no less!!!!!! And my husband is playing a fucking video game. And when he is like do you need help, I said no. I SHOULDN"T HAVE TO ASK FOR FUCKING HELP. YOU ARE A FUCKING ADULT. USE YOUR FUCKING EYES, LOOK AROUND AND FIGURE OUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND FUCKING DO IT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Am I lazy?! Hell yes. This is not about me throwing stones. I KNOW I am messy, I KNOW things need to be done. BUT I AM THE ONLY ONE DOING THEM ALL THE TIME. WHILE HE GETS TO PLAY FUCKING VIDEO GAMES AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. AND I KNOW I NEED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT HE GETS SO DAMN DEFENSIVE BECAUSE OOH I AM FUCKING NAGGING HIM AND SO THEN HE WANTS TO DO THE OPPOSITE. Its just TOO FUCKING MUCH sometimes. SERIOUSLY. I probably should just say fuck it and only do my stuff from now on. Do my own laundry instead of both of our laundry and worry about putting it away. Buy my own groceries and let him do his thing. But thats not being married. But neither is me doing everything. FUCK. Sometimes I wish I could just fucking start over with someone else, or with him and stand up for myself from the beginning or have higher expectations or what the fuck ever. I cannot handle this.

AHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK RAGE RAGE RAGE





EDIT: So I totally didn't mean to do this but after I closed this post I went in and calmly explained how I was feeling. He got up and helped and I am trying to get over feeling guilty because I feel like I made him, but now the house looks really good, and I don't feel as anxious about leaving now. So anyway...Still frustrated, but better than I was.....
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sweetmeri

May 2013

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