sweetmeri: (Default)
[personal profile] sweetmeri
I was at a friend's house today, and I saw a picture of me that she took today that I didn't know was taken. It was horrific. I am so disgusting, fat, just gross. Like when I dressed this morning, I picked my outfit carefully because I picked what I thought would make me look good. It was so depressing to see the picture later and see all of my fat rolls and my fat arms and my double chin. I just feel so gross. I am so tired of being gross. I wish I could just cut the fat out of my body. I would still probably be gross but maybe I wouldn't be quite so gross. UGH anyway it just really hurts tonight. She doesn't even have a scale and so I don't even know how much I weigh right now which sucks. I just feel out of control, I don't know why but I always end up eating WAY too much at her house. I mean not bingeing really, just overeating. Anyway it just sucks and i am kind of an emotional wreck about it tonight. Also, I can't really not eat at her house because she would notice, and because I always am eating around her kids (She has 4 kids) and they would notice if I didn't eat either. UGH I just want to go home

I don't know what to do. I don't want to starve myself but everytime I think about eating I can't deal with it. It makes me so anxious and after seeing that picture, I have no desire to eat because its GROSS!! I AM GROSS!!!!!! If I get a chance, I will post the pic so y'all can see but I don't know if it will work.

Date: 2012-03-27 02:31 pm (UTC)
sundog: (Hug)
From: [personal profile] sundog
You're not gross, love. No matter what the demons bark in your ear, you'll never be gross.

We're in this together, remember? There is help out there, I'll hold your hand the entire time and we'll go through this together still. I'll help where I know how to, but I would love for you to see a specific therapist about these thoughts. I want you happy. You deserve happiness, even if you were five hundred pounds, you deserve happiness.

I love you. I think you're beautiful and I'm downright thankful you're eating. I don't want you to go down that road, at all.

Date: 2012-04-02 01:34 am (UTC)
sabr: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sabr
You are *not* gross. You can't tell yourself these things - you can't keep giving the demons this powerful voice that ruins your happiness. You are not gross. You are beautiful, with every imperfection. You are beautiful. You ARE beautiful.

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sweetmeri

May 2013

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